Su Ann: #4 The Twilight Obsession


today, i am going to talk about the teenage hype sensation that is ... Twilight. no, not Gossip Girl or the Jonas Brothers (ew?); but Twilight. let me be honest: i hated twilight with a passion when it first came out, and everyone and their mothers were making comparison of the half-arsed, vampire/werewolf effort of a movie with Harry Potter. please okay. "Twilight -- the new Harry Potter?" OF COURSE NOT! harry potter is a story about friendship, about family (evidently i am a strong harry potter fan -- the books, not the movies.) (yes i'm a closet nerd. please laugh now.)

then, two days before Twilight the movie was due to be released in the cinema ... i picked up a Twilight book. and started reading. and, i am slightly embarrased to admit, was immediately hooked.

i mean, who the hell was this Edward Cullen guy and where can i get one for myself? according to Meyer, Edward was pretty much perfect. brooding, intelligent, HOT, rich, loves Bella like crazy. (i'm assuming everybody knows that Bella is the female main character who is in love with Edward, the vampire.) and Jacob -- has anyone seen him in New Moon (second edition of the twilight installment)? DUDE HE IS FREAKING HOT.

(while googling the above image, i noticed that there were 10,500,000 results for the search "Taylor Lautner shirt off".)

okay i disgress.

i'm really not here to talk about the physical perfection of the male characters in twilight. i'm here to talk about how twilight is essentially a bad influence on young women. i'm here to rant about how twilight gave me unrealistic, crazily high expectations out of my relationship, causing deep disappointment ... for a while back then, anyway.

let's see. for one thing, Bella Swan is a terrible role model. terrible. falling in love with a dangerous, stalker-like vampire? where is her common sense? on top of that, she's so dependent on her boyfriend it's almost pathetic -- in new moon, when edward leaves (finally realizing that he's just not good for her), she becomes coma-tose, loses all hope in life, and engages in dangerous, risky activities to indulge in his voice ringing in her head. bella constantly needs a male figure on her life -- first it was edward, then it was jacob. when edward left her in new moon, what's a girl to do? FIND ANOTHER MAN! enter jacob. ALSO, she has absolutely no self-esteem at all, and is whiny 24/7 – “I’m not good enough for you Edward; I’m only human; I’m plain; I’m clumsy; blah blah blah.” WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GIRL? It’s like a modern Disney fairytale; damsel in distress who can’t save herself all over again.

and edward -- pedophile much? he's about a hundred years old, and enjoys watching bella sleep at night. he's overprotective, completely chauvinistic, extemely stalkerish, and risks her life every possible way by being with her.

twilight has given birth to a media sensation and half-crazed twilight fans (who calls themselves twihards?) all over the world. what are we left with? little girls who think they're supposed to wait for their princes to save them, young women with unfulfilled expectations of their relationships, and ... i can't think of anything else.

sorry. i realize i sound like a complete uptight feminist, who would probably grow old with her 30 cats but ... yeah :) to be honest, the books aren't all that bad -- you know, like for a lazy brainless afternoon read, provided you dispell all logic whatsoever. bella just pisses me off sometimes.

and i still think taylor lautner is hot.

the end of my rant.


on a side note:

friend of mine, neal wrote this note on FB, and i think i'll post it here cos it's just freaking funny :D you don't have to read it, really.

"As soon as the movie starts you already begin to have that feeling. A feeling vaguely familiar. The same feeling you get as soon as you pass the door of a halloween haunted house. The same feeling that washes over you as the roller coaster slowly makes its way up before plunging down.

"what the f*** have I just gotten myself into"

and a side thought,

"and why the f*** are all the under-18 boys half naked?"

this movie promotes pedophilia like ive never seen.

The bad script never seems to end. time and time again the corniest lines are delivered in monotones. Poetic quotes intended to be delivered with drama and feeling instead are heard instead as though dished out by a sixty year old history professor who has made it his personal mission to get his students to fall asleep in under 15-seconds.

when watching the movie one must wonder if vampires and werewolves are actually retarded. I mean, what the hell could they possibly see in a 19 year old flat-chested girl whose mouth doesnt seem to be physically capable of smiling without her face showing signs of intense pain NOT TO MENTION who walks around as though shes the great granddaughter of the huncheback of notredam (Dr. phil?). It might of course be the look on her face she has throughout the movie that closely resembles a 40-year old cougar who is about to explode from sexual frustration. that may be the reason she finds solace in the arms of a 16 year old when edward (in his usual brooding manner) tells her he has to leave and never see her again.

A match made in heaven maybe. While she has her look, Edward has his own look that you see quite often in the movie, usually whenever he looks right at her and/or wants to tell her something. It is a very deep look, very meaningful. A look that can only be described as...... constipation. Maybe seeing her reminds him of the fact that he probably hasnt taken a good dump in nearly a century.

*Makes a mental note to give some girls the constipated look and see if they start swooning*

Next off, lets talk about the werewolves. Well, Jacob in particular, who makes his appearence looking like a gay hippy pornstar from the 70s. He cleans up well though, getting rid of his excess hair (which could probably make 3 wigs) and stealing a set of abs from the set of 300 (King Leonidus wasnt very happy i presume) and then sets on the not-so-impossible task of coming on screen shirtless every chance he has.

Anyone else seem to notice that although the werewolf boys seem to be allergic to tshirts, they always always always manage to find a pair of pants after transforming? All the boys have clean-shaven (or waxed) upper bodies and Dr. Phil would most likely say its due to an inner need to show that they are setting a new trend for wolfboys compared to Tim Lowe in 'Wolfboy' (1988). having 8 inches of chest hair probably wont get you all that far with the ladies.

Back to gaydward, i meant edward. You just have to ask while watching him, what is this boy's fascination and obsession with white powder and red lipstick. He closely resembles a transvestite suffering from albinism. He also seems to feel the need to constantly portray the Im-the-star-of-the-show-and-therefore-I-wont-stand-like-a-normal-person-but-instead-il-have-my-hands-in-my-pockets-and-look-at-the-ground-whenever-i-come-on-scree-so-that-the-audience-can-see-that-im-brooding attitude which just makes you want to kick his soul-less balls.

Halfway into the movie he also reveals his age (109) to emo-girl (19)....again, pedophilia anyone?

The music hardly ever changes too. (okay wait a minute, i actually liked the music in the movie. -- Su Ann) that combined with the mind-numbing script and acting that isnt much better than william hung's singing, just makes you want to crawl up into a corner and die.
and if you liked the movie, you should be admitted.

time for a two and a half men marathon.

p.s - underworld FTW ;D

*********IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE*********

im getting a few girls saying how Im writing this blasting those guys because im jealous and cant admit that they are good looking. this is wrong. Apart from saying jacob makes his appearance looking like he stepped out of a gay hippy 70s porno (which is true) and edwards fascination for make-up (LOL), i make no other reference to their looks. In fact, i mention that they are probably the main attraction, hence the topless scenes. This article is blasting the script, lousy acting, albinish make up and and anything else i want to (and feel the need to) make fun off.

so before you rant off saying that i have a secret desire of being someone because they look good with 24543 layers of make-up and only loved by females because he plays a brooding vampire/werewolf in a movie, please pull your naive head out of your ass.

have a nice day you megan fox wannabes."



cecilia said...

haha.. actually, i find jacob hot too..XD.. guess the movie - new moon is mainly on promoting his

and edward in the movie is just...NOT THAT hot as what the book described. so im wondering why everyone is in love with him..

and yes!! bella is just so dependent..and low self esteem.. since she thinks she is not good enough for edward, then leave him alone! why is she becoming so lifeless after he left her?

but she is lucky to have the vampire and werewolf to protect her..XDXD..

Bunny said...

Lol,i just want to share a little experience of mine. when the 1st episode of twilight, the GUYS which sat next two seat of me in the cinema were shouting "EDWARD! omg omg etc" while the girls also did the same thing. they repeated it over and over again when there is a (CU)of him. =.= sounded desperately and excited. i don't even know why, somehow people just like this perhaps...

no comment .

FieQa//Nyanko said...

I guess I have no right to bash the movie or the characters, since I have not(and never will) watch the movies. xP

I really find this post very interesting. Hence my favourite quote "Edward has his own look that you see quite often in the movie, usually whenever he looks right at her and/or wants to tell her something. It is a very deep look, very meaningful. A look that can only be described as...... constipation." these lines are Epic. xD

I want to share something that I got from Comic Fiesta '09. Something the MC's talked about which pretty much makes people wonder, well, I did. xD

In the movie New Moon, the first sneak peek of the movie, another vampire in away was coming towards Bella? an so Edward flips Bella and pushes her up in the air and throws her away to safety. And later went to the vampire, attack him and get knocked on the head.

Here's the thinking part, Edward- the oh-so-hot-vampire, vampires who can move faster than humans, so why the freaking hell(excuse my language) did he had to flung Bella away when he can quickly go to the other vampire and stop him there? I guess its the drama effect. O.O or maybe i missed something in the movie that causes the lad to do that.

Lol, I don't know but hey, the MC's did a great job at describing it. xD

Amanda said...

omg! suAnn! ur post is so so "awesomely" long my gosh.. haha but nice topic tho. I love edward more and i do agree about this so called fantasy relationship theyr're picturing... and my! i just cant help staring at Edward! I even got him sticked on my bedroom wall hehe..

Su Ann said...

cecilia: HAHAHAHA :P to be honest the books aren't actually that bad. the 2nd book even made me cry a little, but i think that's bcos i was having a bad day. i'm rooting for jacob not edward! :P

Su Ann said...

bunny: seriously?! i watched the movie bcos taylor lautner was hot in it! not for edward! heh :P

Su Ann said...

fieqa: AHAHAHA seriously i don't know why he pushes her in the movie too..

Su Ann said...

amanda: team jacob! :PPP

yika yiku said...

a friend of mine says out loud "twilight is my bible". so, she worships the bloody vampire? -_-

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